I’ve never really appreciated silence. It only served to unnerve me in the dead of night, or make me keen on yelling out something that would almost definitely make me “The Tit What Done Broke The Silence”.
But I’ve come to realize that it’s so good to have a bit of quiet.
First of all, it does wonders for your productivity. Or, at least, I hope it does, because I’m intent on using the silence to write later on.
Second, it’s so wonderful to read with just the sound of the pouring rain in the background. Plus, it adds to any book’s atmosphere. Seriously, try reading Little Birds by Anaïs Nin somewhere quiet with just the sounds of nature in the background.
Third, my mind works so much clearer in silence. The rush slows down and I get to actually hear sane and sensible thoughts about my life.
It’s like therapy, but with myself. I realize that sounds extremely twee, but fuck me if it didn’t help put my mind at ease about stuff.
Combine that with reading, and you’re good as gold. I’m still addicted to Monique Roffey’s With the Kisses of his Mouth . In between reading, I have to actually put the book down because something in it reminds me of something I need to do, or need to settle. And I take the time to think it through and process the answers. Then move on reading.
I’m currently at the part where she discovers tantra, and it resonated with me like nothing else. Tantra is something I’m so keen on exploring, because it encompasses everything I want from sex.
And that is another thing I developed in my mind. Things that I want.
I want slow-fucking on a Sunday morning. I want my mind to leave my body and I want to shiver with ecstasy, whilst giggling my tits off. Holding hands, snuggling on the tube or falling asleep on his shoulder on the train… Laughing about some secret inside joke, spooning, massages, being wild and being free. Fucking in the alley behind the cinema, because it’s us and we’re totally allowed, so sue us.
I want to discover what it feels like to touch a girl, to explore her body and to smile and joke and feel soft and warm. I want skin on skin and electricity and the whole damn thing.
I want to kiss under the starlight at the tube station entrance (again). I want to be walked home. I want to find someone to geek out with and go to the cinema and watch The Room at the Prince Charles and throw spoons at the screen.
You guys. I think I want romance.