The other day we’d gone for a dinner at the pub, and while I was waiting for him to bring our drinks over I had a sudden – and given our location, very weird – thought. I was idling, reading through the menu I kinda know off the top of my head already when I looked up to where I was sitting.
I was, at that point, the only person sitting in that particular area of the pub, which is shielded off from the rest of the pub and is the bit you need to get through to get to the toilets. It’s also the bit that leads to the pub kitchen. Even though no-one might be sitting there, there are plenty of people passing through there.
So you can imagine my surprise as my brain suddenly went “I wonder if you could have a stealthy wank here?”
I like to call these kinds of thoughts “Could Have” Thoughts. Thoughts that flit through your head in a moment of boredom, idling or (and these are the worst) great inconvenience. Thoughts that, although they can be about anything, in this case are about sex. These include and are not limited to:
- I wonder if we could have sex behind that bush without anyone noticing us?
- If I start now, how many orgasms could I wank myself to at my desk, before anyone else in the office notices?
- Could I suck him off in the back row of this cinema without the security guard catching us?
And other thoughts to that tune. Really, there’s no end of options, and you can easily customize this list to your own thought patterns. In fact, if you’ve ever had any of these thoughts, let me know in the comments and I might just give a prize to the best one…
But back to me, sitting there in the pub, wondering if I could feasibly frig myself without being noticed. The weird thing was… I think I would have done it, or at least given it a go. My hand was already hovering on the waistband of my trousers, and I imagined what it would be like if, just like that, I slipped it in and tried to find my pleasure.
Were it not for the fact that dinner service was about to start, and that the pub was suddenly a hell of a lot busier. ILB appeared with our drinks, not aware of what I was thinking (*waves to ILB, reading this very blog post and finding out what I was thinking*). And that was that. We went on with our evening, and ate and drank, and I still can’t shake the thought that, if I’d just timed it right, I could have done it.
But that’s why they’re called “Could Have” Thoughts, I guess…