The blows landing on my arse cheeks reverbrated through my body, down to the core of my pussy. I was getting wetter and wetter by the second, no matter what kind of rhythm he was playing out on me. We giggled, yes. He made me laugh by pretending my arse was a pair of bongos, yes. But fuck me, it turned me on until I felt like I could melt.
He went on for what seemed like forever, and if I could have had it my way I would have had him spanking my cheeks for all of eternity. But a greater urge took me over, the urge for him to just grab me and have me right there. We’d tried doggy style as a position before but only a couple of times and never with great success, but in that moment it was the only way I wanted him to fuck me.
And this time, it worked. This time, I could feel his fingers digging into my thighs, his balls slapping against my cunt as he drove his cock into me over and over again. It was something else. It made me feel utterly dirty and I loved every second of it. Even when we switched positions and fucked with him on top of me, I still loved it because I love him and I love sex with him and it doesn’t matter what we’re doing or how we’re doing it or what kind of stupidly impossible position our knees and arms find themselves in.
Later, after orgasms and moans and creaks of the bed, I lay in his arms not thinking but just being. It had been too long since I’d just let myself be. The last few weeks and months I’ve spent so much time living in my own head, thoughts rotating like a manic hamsterwheel which I couldn’t for the life of me bring to a halt. Even if I’d have just jumped off, it would have pulled me back in, as if I was magnetically tethered to my own unstoppable brain. Letting myself just be wasn’t a thing I was able to do. My Sertraline ran out, which really didn’t help because it hasn’t taken me long to figure out that my brain off medication is not a happy place to be – the two or three weeks of brain fog and sadness that come when you start taking it (or in my case, start again) is something I’ll gladly go through in favour of the infinite loop of black gloom that manifests without it.
I’d spent so much time in my head, I’d forgotten what being fully and utterly in my body felt like. But in that moment, with him and with the connection our bodies made, I remembered what it felt like to just be.
And I don’t want to ever forget that again.