Remembering my first sex toy

We were in the basement of my mum’s apartment building. I’d had the idea of going down there to unearth what was left of my books and see if I could sell them to a secondhand bookshop I knew. As my mum’s friend and I tried to figure out which boxes actually had something in it (as there were quite a few empty boxes meant to be used as storage at some point) I happened to move one of the boxes aside and uncovered something that flashed me back far into the past with a little grin.

You know those moments when you’re doing some kind of major tidying – like, right before a house move – and you start unearthing stuff that you completely forgot you owned? Along with lost socks, important cables which have been gathering dust under your bed and that one magazine you bought on an impulse and forgot to read or something… there it is. That thing which has since moved to the back of your mind; waiting both in a box in your basement and in the realms of memory until you come across the physical item one day and have the memory rush back to the front.

I had moved one box aside to find another: it was the box which had once contained my very first sex toy.

There is a long story attached to this toy, and for that matter, the one that came after it. It’s a story which relates very much to my recent experiences with SSRIs, sex and depression. This toy came into my life not long after I started masturbating. Discovering masturbation (something I talked about in this guest post for Girl On The Net) was like discovering the mystical realm of sexy softcore porn I’d been cruising in also came with a bonus unicorn to ride whenever I wished. I wasn’t yet contemplating sex toys, as I wanted to work my way up to that point. But that point seemed to come quicker – not naturally, mind. I forced the point to come because a couple of months after I discovered my unicorn, it flew the fuck away. It had taken me a while to get to the point where I could orgasm, a point which I was happy to have achieved. So when I not only seemed to lose the ability to orgasm but the ability to feel any kind of sensation in my clit that wasn’t my fingers touching it, I tried my best to rationalise it – maybe a toy would help? Maybe this was just a blip?

The toy in question was part of one of those gift boxes (the ones that contain stuff like a few magazine subscriptions around a similar niche, or tickets for a couple of attractions), this one firmly aimed at couples looking for a bit of a saucy time. I’d seen this gift box at, and I kid you not, a CD and DVD shop in town. My first toy did not come from a sex toy shop. It came from the same shop where I spent hours in agony over whether I fancied series one of Rome or series seven of McLeod’s Daughters. I had, in an onset of embarrassment, sent my luckily very supportive mother to pick up this box for me, a box which also included lubricant, massage oil, a tickle feather and some kind of positions manual.

The toy? A little pink silicone clitoral vibrator with the face of a ducky as “added clit stimulation”.

I will give you one guess as to just how severe the cringe attack I’m having right now is.

Long story short, the pink ducky monstrosity (meh-buzzy, three speeds, watch battery, single button on the bottom to scroll through the speeds, very good chance that you would accidentally turn it off mid-wank) did diddly squat, I went to the doctor and found out that my medication was the reason for the loss of sensitivity in my clit and after a medication switch, I upgraded to a bigger, non-ducky-like vibrator which served me well for quite some time.

That toy has long since been discarded, probably tossed in the garbage in a moment of “nah, fuck that bullshit”. But the box (and the other things that were in there) remain, sitting in my mother’s basement, having waited for the day where I would chance upon it and the memory would dust itself off and say hi.

So, now I’m curious (well, I’m always curious but now I’m specifically curious), dear reader. I want to hear about your first sex toy. Good memories? Cringe attack-worthy? What was the toy like? Tell me in the comments and sate my curiosity.

You may also like

27 Comments

  1. I don’t know if you actually know my answer to this or not. I don’t believe you do, seeing as how we’ve never broached the subject and I’m not much of a one for sex toys in general.

    In any case, my first sex toy was a cock ring made by Durex (the one on the right-hand side of the picture here gives you the general idea). I’d used one before but never actually owned one, and eventually Durex sent me one anyway – before I took to buying them from Boots when they started stocking the things.

    My usual problem with sex toys – the whole “I’m probably too large and too insensitive for this thing” argument – doesn’t really apply to cock rings, since they stretch and it’s the vibration that gets you off. They’re also kind of meant to be used during sex, as well – it’s just an extra sensation for both participants. I did, in fact, orgasm while using one, but that was during sex.

    In any case, since then my sex toy collection has kind of grown, but this is mostly because of you, and therefore most of the toys we have are technically yours, which makes sense because you use the things and I don’t.

    But I don’t have any of my cock rings left – I did give my last one to 47, if you’ll remember correctly!

    1. Yes, I do remember! It’s a shame, since I’d like to try having sex with you while you’re wearing a cock ring. Hope 47 is getting… wait, do I want to finish that sentence?

      But yes, most of the toys we have are mine – I’d like to try and invest in a couple of new ones that we can use together, on me, but my own experiences with sex toys have been a bit choppy to say the least.

  2. Mine was actually a nice, simple pearl-white plastic slimline-type vibe, bought for me by my lovely boyfriend at maybe 20yo. Raised in a religious family, I was super-embarrassed about the whole thing. He knew I’d never had an orgasm and wanted to be helpful. My first one came from my brain and fingers, but I did eventually get over my squeamishness and try the little device…and enjoy it.

    Great post!

    1. Thank you! Glad to hear your story!

      Bless your boyfriend for wanting to help you. And I’m glad you worked your way up to it and took your time, and learned to enjoy the vibe (which sounds right up my street as I’m a sucker for slimline pearly-white vibes). x

  3. Idk if I blogged about this (jfc that makes me sound like the worst kind of person but I probably should) but up until My First Sex Toy I couldn’t feel any kind of nice, fuzzy, sparkly stimulation at all. There was just…barely any feeling, I’d attempted to but it felt like rubbing my knee or something, I have this one distinct memory of having clumsy phone sex with my then-boyfriend and pretending to like it because I couldn’t feel a fucking thing.

    Aaaanyway, my first sex toy was one of those little Rocks Off 80mm ones and I loved it to bits because honest to god, it like, unlocked me? Suddenly! Feelings! When the batteries died I legged it to Maplin and sprinted back home in record time because I just couldn’t wait, it was magic in a tiny silver tube with a pointy end. I even lied and said that my phone was acting up just in case anyone heard a thin buzzing noise, I was using it that much. Magic.

    1. Hiya! Thank you for sharing your story! And it does not make you sound like the worst kind of person. Don’t apologise, you don’t need to.

      Aaah, those little Rocks Off 80mm ones are brilliant. I totally understand what you’re saying – and I love that you actually legged it to Maplin for new batteries! x

  4. Answering after seeing ILB’s Twitter request to do so. (And wondering why I never put your blog on my reading list. Correcting that now.)

    I actually stole my first sex toy, which in itself is fairly cringey. I discovered it hidden in the back of one of the dresser drawers in the spare room, along with a pair of black and red crotchless panties, presumably spoils of my mom’s from the one and only Ann Summers party she ever went to. I was about eleven at the time, and was a mixture of grossed out and fascinated. From time to time over the next two years, I peeked in on it. Yup, still weird and cool and gross all at the same time. By the time I was 13, it was still untouched, still shrink-wrapped in cellophane, and I figured mom had forgotten about it (not as unlikely as it sounds; we’re compulsive hoarders and I doubt she remembers even half the stuff she’s bought over the years) so I thieved it.

    (The panties, I stuck in the charity donation bag. It would be many years before I found crotchless panties tolerable, and even at 31 I don’t really see the point of them. I have wide-set hip joints, so even normal panties don’t cover much of me, and crotchless panties feel like I’m wearing garden twine.)

    It was a long, cream, fluted multi-speed vibrator – a basic design that’s very hard to repeat these days, sadly. I’m not sure of the size – things often look bigger or smaller in my memory than they really were – but I remember it took two C batteries. It was kind of intimidating – at that point I’d only experimented with fingers, pens, and this tea tree blemish stick from The Body Shop that was about the size of a tube of mascara – but I was a scientist, and very logical even at 13, and I knew that if a baby could come out then a vibrator could certainly go IN. And it did, though it took several months to stop feeling pinchy.

    I had never come – have STILL never come – using just my fingers, but the orgasms from that thing were insane. Discovering that I was a squirter was both fascinating and terrifying. I’d never heard of such a thing before – I didn’t have girlfriends that I could talk to about sex, I never shared details of my life with my mom, and the two days a year of sex ed that we got at school only ever focused on contraception, pregnancy and STDs, never on pleasure – and it took me several years to find out that I wasn’t abnormal. During those years I trained myself to come without squirting, because I was so freaked out by it. I didn’t manage to retrain myself to do it until my late twenties, though now I can choose either option.

    (Usually I choose not, unless I’m in the shower; Egyptian cotton bed linen is pricey, and so is laundry detergent.)

    Even masturbating 2-3 times a day, that vibrator lasted me five years, though I had to patch it up with duct tape a few times. I had a close call where I nearly chucked it away when I moved to Spain at age 16, but instead I hid it inside a rolled-up sleeping bag and spent the entire 2-day drive across France and northern Spain on the edge of my seat, absolutely certain that border patrol guards would search the van and pull it out in front of my mom and my brother. (They didn’t. Thank you, EU.) When I was 18, the motor finally gave up the ghost, and I used my newly-acquired bank card and private internet access to enter the world of online sex shops. Unfortunately I never again found this model in the right size, though I got it in a smaller size (about 7 in. long / 1 in. diameter), as well as a jumbo version that some American friends sent me as a joke (and which actually turned out to be a seriously good addition to my ever-growing goodie chest).

    I consider this (first love?) to be the one that got away, and I miss it almost as much as I miss past lovers. Vibrators today tend to last me anything from a few months to a few years. The hard plastic and the C batteries meant that the vibrations were incredibly strong, and the tapered tip made it easy to pinpoint areas. I’ve never been one for light touches – I like strength, both in my toys and my lovers – and there aren’t many toys that really pack the kind of power I like. I have a magic wand (the LoveHoney one, which is pretty much like the Hitachi), and the power is good, but the head is far too big to penetrate and I haven’t found an attachment that works for me, so while it’s good for my clit it does nothing for g-spot / a-spot / p-spot / deep spot stimulation. The Ann Summers Glitterati is the other big success I’ve had, but it’s not as precise (rounder head), and the vibrations are more rumbly than buzzy, though still really strong. Plus, I wear out a Glitterati in 2-3 months – I must have bought a dozen or more over the years. Still, these are the only three toys I’ve had that have made orgasms a certainty. I can usually get to know a toy, and eventually learn how to get myself off with it, but it takes a few weeks and it’s never a 100% sure thing.

    From time to time, I do still make the rounds of online toy shops, to see if I can find what I’m looking for, but no luck. The only time I ever find something similar is on terrible sites that I won’t use (Bedroom Pleasures, I’m looking at you). Legit sites are full of rabbits and silicone dildos and beautiful pieces of Lelo art that you have to mortgage your home to buy, and plain old budget vibrators have gone the way of the Nokia 3210. 🙁 It’s a shame, because while I enjoy the bells and whistles sometimes, I generally find masturbation much more fun when I take it down to the basics.

    1. *waves* Hi Sati! Thank you for sharing your story.

      Not cringey at all. I am fascinated by the toy you’re describing – can’t quite see it in my head, but it sounds really good. Seriously, sex-ed in schools needs to get the fuck over itself and start teaching kids about pleasure – crappy sex-ed is the entire reason this blog came into existance. I can imagine you were freaked out a bit by finding out you can squirt if you had no real information on it, nor people you could discuss this with.

      I’ve just had a peek at the Gliteratti – fuck it, I want one.

  5. Somewhere in my bedroom I am fairly sure I still have it and I have been meaning to write about it actually as it was the key to me having my very first orgasm

    mollyxxx

  6. I’m pretty sure I pitched mine when it started looking dicey. It was a vibrator that looked like a large pecker, which I bought when I was 18 at the Naughty But Nice store in West Allis. They went out of business after I moved back to Milwaukee when I was thirty six.

    I had bought a better one before moving back to Milwaukee from A Woman’s Touch on the east side of Madison, which is still there. It was a called “Peter” made with Real Skin I think. It had a controller attached to it that you had to put batteries in. It was $60 + at the time, and it was designed way better than the first one.

    I so wished I wouldn’t bought a Hitachi when I was married to my first husband since I was hypersexual. :p

  7. Oh,my first toy was a clitoral vibrator taked from edenfantasys 2 years ago, It was nicely,but know i have a rabbit ,and its wonderfull. I remember that time when i have fun with clitoral vibrator, so nostalgic moment :3

  8. Pingback: Elust #72

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *