Sex Noises

Grunts. Moans. Little cries of “yes” and “more”. Breaths hitching, names being called, the dizzying heights of ecstasy vocalised. I love it. I can’t get enough of those little sounds of sex, the little noises that add to the sensory wave of fucking. I write them into my fiction with pleasure, picturing the soundscape alongside the tangling of limbs. Heck, one of the first things I discovered when I started this blog was Sonic Erotica, and that was just about the sexiest thing I’d ever wanked to at that point.

And I know I’m not alone in this. This month’s Glamour, however, would like me to feel otherwise.

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Enjoy Sex Noises

We’re just letting you know we’re still here – do you think we groan like horny walrusses when we’re on our own?

(from The Glamour List – 11 things we pretend to do (but actually don’t)

I know this is meant to be a funny, back of the magazine list article, a sort of a little cherry on top of what you’ve been reading. But there was something about this statement, smack bang in the middle of that cherry on top, that made me want to facepalm until I could do so no more.

Who is the “we” at the start of this sentence? I mean, I kind of don’t really want to entertain the notion that the writer has decided to be the voice of all vulva-havers and speak out about this mutual secret dislike for sex noises we all apparently share. Nor do I want to know why apparently sex noises are only meant to be made to remind the person you are having the sex with that you’re indeed still underneath/on top/spooning/[insert position here] them, and that you haven’t suddenly decided to waltz off to catch up on Supernatural or something.

What I would like to know is why these kinds of statements are still being made in women’s magazines, even in articles that are just meant to be a laugh. Yes, I probably am taking this too seriously, but I can’t sit here and deny that, hey, it hit a nerve with me. Sex noises are one of the many forms of communication between two (or more) people during sexual activity, and I am all about communication.

Of course, everyone experiences sex differently – hello, Captain Obvious. Some people are loud and vocal, some people can bask in near silent ecstasy. Everyone has different ways of expressing themselves during sexual activity, of communicating what they want. And I believe that none of those ways should be dismissed in such a throwaway, Sex and the City-style kind of fashion.

And no, “we” don’t groan like horny walrusses when “we’re” alone – unless “we’re” so bored that making random animal noises seems like a brilliant way of self-entertainment. But seriously, is that what you’re wanting to say to the person you’re having sex with, the person who is moaning and grunting and all that? That either they sound like that or that you’re just making that noise for the sake of it? Because that almost, almost sounds like this little one sentence listicle statement is playing in on that ridiculously false old chestnut about women not actually enjoying sex.

But hey, it’s all just meant to be a bit of a laugh, right?

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