for Violet + Rye

A little ode to two of my favorite bloggers on my blogroll: Violet and Rye from Uncommon Appetites. I love these guys. They are two of the dirtiest people I know. Click on the link and step into their world. It’s amazing. You won’t regret it.

For Rye, some legwarmers

For Violet: Monsieur Vincent Cassel (with a bonus Monica Belluci)

Check out Uncommon Appetites. And thank you to Vi and Rye. Just because.

If you want a shout out for your blog, let me know- I shall visit.

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the fantasy

Man in the Mirror

Lazy Saturday or Sunday morning. I forgot what day it is. Time flies when I’m with him. My eyes open. I take a moment to register the environment. His flat. His bedroom. Pure white walls, virginal white linen… well, if you ignore the obvious flecks of bodily fluids. I start to think about last night. Oh, we were very busy. I remember his heavenly body on top of mine, his tongue licking my nipples and his lips on mine, all that good stuff.

And then it comes to me. In the dying hours of the night, whilst we were still recovering from our latest endeavour, he told me something. He told me he loved me. I didn’t reply. But fuck me, I was happy. I wanted to shout his name from the rooftops. I’m so in love with him.

I turn around and look at his sleeping self. He looks adorable. His eyes are fluttering, so maybe he’s still dreaming. I watch his stomach rise and fall every time he breathes. And then he awakens. His eyes open. He blinks. Always needs time to adjust to the light.

“Morning, babe.” he grunts. Not a morning person, my man.

“Morning.” I say. I draw him closer and brush my lips lightly past his. I love to tease him. And I’ve got something in store for him. But he must wait.

“Hey, no teasing so early in the morning!” he says.

“You know me, I like to tease. Now. Are you up for something?”

“Depends. What have you got in mind? Breakfast at the bakery down the street? I’d love to take you there.”

“Sounds nice. But first, something else. Go and stand in front of that mirror.”

He makes one of his patented “aye?” faces, which make me laugh. “Just do it, honey.” I say.

He stands up and walks towards the mirror. I get up and walk towards him.

“Ok, so what am I supposed to see here?” he asks.

“Me.” I whisper in his ear. “And my hands. Don’t turn around. Watch yourself.”

What follows is a feast for his senses. I start by kissing his neck, which always works for him. He’s already getting goosebumps. I run my hands down his muscular chest, a feast for my fingers. I tickle his stomach and run circles around his bellybutton. I have a bit of a bellybutton fetish…

He is giggling slightly. He loves the tickling. And the faces he’s making are priceless.

“Like what you see?” I say.

He lets out a long moan. Which becomes even longer as I gently flick his nipples. I kiss his neck again and look in the mirror.

“Aha.” I say, content with what I see. He has quite an erection already. I run my fingers over his bulge (did I mention that I absolutely adore his cock?) and he moans loudly.

“Do you like that? Do you want more?” I say, teasing his cock till he’s rock hard and panting like a mad man. He nods. But I’m not done. I want to drive him insane. I press my naked body against his and rub against him.

“Oh dear god.” he moans. “Please. Please toss me off. I can’t take it anymore.”

“Oh? Already? Well, well, well. I thought you could go longer.” I say, teasing him.

“Fuck, woman, please don’t tease… OH GOD!” he cries out, as I rub his cock.

“Alright. I’ll give you what you want.”

I take off his boxers and give him a moment to look at his sexy, naked self. And then I wrap my hands around his throbbing cock and I start tossing him off as if my life depended on it. He’s crying out, shouting ‘oh my god’ after ‘oh my god’, with a bit of ‘fuuuuuuuuuuck’ in between. He looks like he’s about to turn into a puddle of water. And his faces, again, are priceless. Pure, uninhibited ecstasy.

He comes mere minutes later, his juices running freely over my hands. I traced his lips and made him lick it from my hands.

“Tastes good.” he said dryly. He turned around, picked me up and carried me to the bed, before collapsing. “My legs feel funny.” he whimpered.

I cuddled up to him. “Did it feel good?”

“It was weird. I’ve never… watched myself during a hand job. Never thought about it either. But it was quite cool. And hot. And now I can’t stand up anymore.” he said, chuckling.

“You don’t have to. We have all day. We can just lie down, relax…”

“And have loads and loads of sex.” he said, kissing me. “I love you. Can’t say that enough.”

I smiled as he said it.

“I love you too.” 

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let’s play a game

Today, let’s play: Unusual places to find sex toys for sale! I’ll start.

A few weeks ago, I was at the hospital cafeteria. This is adjacent to the gift shop, so I wondered in there. I browsed the tiny shop, only to find something unusual.

I found a vibrating love duckie. On sale. At the hospital gift shop.

Then, yesterday, I was in the city, at a store which sells all kinds of natural goods (think tea, make up, bracelets with crystals and all that). I was, once again, browsing, when I stumbled upon a shelve with not only a variety of I Rub My Duckie ® ‘s (and a travel size I Rub My Wormie, fer cryin’ out loud). The shelve also had this beauty:

Yes, the nature goods store was selling the Onyé Fleur Red Metallic.

Have you found any sex toys in unusual places? Dildo in a cd store, perhaps? Free butt plug with your toilet paper? I’m listening….

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lack of man

It’s weekend. No MasterChef. No Jason movies. And I’m quite horny.

So horny, that I dreamt about him last night. Callum, that is. Or at least I think so. It looked more like an X rated scene from Glee. We were perfoming on stage and backstage, Callum had gotten quite the erection. And of course, I had to touch him. And people saw it. People saw me blow Callum Hann from MasterChef, backstage at a Glee concert.

Mr Shue would not approve of this.

So, as you know, I’ve started reading again. Still reading Eat Pray Love, finished book one (Italy) and starting book two (India) tonight. Might take me a few days to get to the finish line. I’ve got a lot of catching up to do. Why? Because I am an unashamed bookaholic, geek, whatever… And just to give you an idea of the amount of books I bought since, let us say last July?

I recently bought a new bookcase for them. And it’s full.

Shame on me, I know. I even have one shelf reserved for all the books I bought in London last August. I’m worried about next time we go….

Here. Have a man.

Why yes, Mr Skarsgard, I do want to be fucked by you. On that very chair, kthx. I don’t know, he just radiates sex, doesn’t he?

I do realise, if I ever get married to all the guys I fancy, I will have the longest last name in history…

Why hello, Mrs. Statham Skarsgard Hann? Hann Statham Skarsgard?

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sticky sheets

This will happen if you can’t keep yourself together anymore and just have to have an orgasm. I may or may not just have done it. Squirted, I mean. Mistake number 1: trying to squirt when you are still in the latter days of your period.

Mistake number 2: sticky sheets, sticky fingers, bloody sheets too. But fuuuuuuuuuuck, I needed that. I needed my bowling pin inside me (if you can’t quite figure out what bowling pin means in this context: it’s my white, smaller vibe, which looks like a bowling pin held upside down)

Mistake Mc 3: trying to squirt when you know that your cleaning lady is coming on Tuesday to change the sheets.

I don’t feel so good… Is this normal? Do you tend to feel like you are nauseous after squirting?

Must try again when with new vibe and feeling better and not on my period. Now, for the embarrassing bit: informing my mum that she needs to get rid of the sheets now and burn them because the blood spots are terrifying.

If I sound like a prude or something, please forgive me. It’s very, very late and I’m tired and sick and I feel like a spinny top. Shit…

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late for Lady Porn Day

So, as most of you know, last week was the first Lady Porn Day. Since everyone but the rabbit has made a contribution to this, and to make up for the fact that I didn’t, here it is now.

My first time watching erotica… crikey, that was a long time ago. What do I mean by erotica? Think of the Emanuelle films. Late at night, in my room, I would watch these movies. And get a tingly feeling in the pit of my stomach. Now, I did know what masturbation was. I just didn’t fancy doing it. Now, porn. A few months ago, I was dallying around on my computer and decided to do it. Red Tube. You Porn. The works. My computer was in the dining room, next to the living room and let me tell you, watching porn for the first time with your mum in the next room… yeah, not funny.

I turned the computer on silent and watched. And I don’t really know why, but I was transfixed. In a bad way. I mean, the names of the videos alone scared the shit out of me. But something was tingling inside of me. And it wasn’t long before I took my computer upstairs, put on one of those videos and played with myself.

So, what do I like? What turns me on?

I like sites like Beautiful Agony. It’s so much more erotic than regular porn. I like watching a woman or a man I don’t know in the throes of pure ecstasy. I don’t know what it is that turns me on about it. I like certain sex scenes in movies as well. These sex scenes mostly involve this:

A bit of this:

And mostly, they end with this

Do you notice a pattern here? Yep, it’s the same guy. And he’s my porn. Jason Statham is my fetisj and my porn and everything that keeps me together at the moment.

By the way, if you haven’t see the movie Crank, and you are wondering why he is actually punching the air with joy…. he’s happy to be alive. And by the looks of it, so is Amy Smart… she seems awfully surprised as well. Maybe my theory is right and he is well hung…

Forget I said that. Really, forget I said that. Erase that from your mind. After you have the naughty thoughts.

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posting madness

I don’t know where I’m going anymore. Five posts yesterday. All about nothing in particular. Am I making mistakes? Is this not a good sexblog? I don’t know. I’ve only been going for like a week, so…

So, I’m taking suggestions. Do you think my blog needs anything? Tell me what and I’ll make it work. And maybe, in time, when the big operation is finished and I have lost some weight, I could give you a wee glimpse of me.

Speaking about the big operation, I went to see the surgeon today. After two missed appointments. I’m terribly scared. I have six diffrent pre-operative screenings I need to go to. I need some support from friends. But friends are very scarce with me. I didn’t keep in touch with the people from my boarding school. Only my friends B and A. And I feel lonely sometimes. Shit, I feel so lonely.

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That G Thing

My fellow G-spot scouts! I have found an article that might be to your interest. Click here and discover for yourself. Who knows, maybe it can be of some help for you.

As most of you know, I have looked for the Right Spot for a few months now. So far, I think I might have found it. But I keep forgetting where it is. And what it feels like. I am a G-spot NOOB. A few days ago, I had a long masturbation session, that ended with me, maybe, sorta (let’s not call it squirting) gushing some fluid, right before an orgasm. I wondered: “is this is?” Was this the moment I had waited for? Sadly, I don’t think so.

So, what are your experiences with this “magical” spot? Are you also fed up with not finding it? Or is it not all that it is cracked up to be? I’d love to hear from you.

And thank you to everyone who has read my blog so far. I hope you enjoyed it and want to come back. Big kiss and smooch and maybe a little how’s-yer-father behind the pews for you all!

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War at the cinema

So, yesterday, I went to see The King’s Speech with my friend A. Lovely movie. The rest of the audience? Not so lovely. People giggling at inappropriate moments (yeah, telling someone that your nanny didn’t feed you, dead funny, isn’t it?), cellphones going off left, right and center. I was irritated. And then, to top the experience (cos that’s what it was, a cinematic experience), after the movie, a man called me out and said “thanks for the soundboard”. That’s right, he called me out.

For eating too loudly.

First of all, why single me out? Why not yell at the noisy couple on the eleventh row, or mr Cellphone behind us, or the giggle twins? Why me? Second of all, I know it’s annoying, but I can’t eat more quietly! I can not chew on my chips on mute! And hello, politeness, where have you gone? I wanted to pour out the remainder of my bag on his big bald head and say: I’d love to hear you chew on your chips! What was I to do, suck my chips?

Suck it. Really suck it. It’s done now and it’s behind me.

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My Deepest Fantasy

My god, that’s a tough one. Everybody has to have one, I guess. Mine switch every day. The rough fuck at the club scene from my book is a contender. Another one is sex in the shower. Sex in public, up against a big tree in the park near my house, would be good. But the one that really stands out is this one.

I’m in the subway (or tube, or metro, or whatever you want to call it). My train is steadily making progress towards my stop. It stops again. Just like every time, people get on the train. But this time is different. HE gets on the (very crowded) train. Stands next to me. I can see his eyes, smell his scent, touch his black leather jacket. Sensory overload. He catches my eye, smiles. Grins even. I haven’t even talked to him but I want him bad. He turns me on like mad. I grin back. We engage in a bit of flirting. It’s harmless, it’s fun. And it’s damn hot.

Suddenly he touches me. Lightly brushes my arm. I shiver. It’s electric, almost terrifying. He still doesn’t speak a word. The train shakes, and I stumble, right into his arms. We laugh. There is a definite spark as we look into each other’s eyes.

It’s my stop now. I give him little smile as I get off the train. I walk through the station, to the exit. Where he catches me.

And he kisses me. It’s a hard, urgent and very passionate kiss, which makes me tingle all over. He stops long enough for a single sentence to escape my lips.

“Come with me.”

He follows me home, his hand in mine. Neither of us says anything. We just stop and look at each other. Each time I look at him I get more nervous. Butterflies in the pit of my stomach. A tingling sensation between my thighs. Fuck, what’s going to happen?

When we arrive at my house, I nervously jam the keys into the lock. I fumble and he lets out a little laugh. “Are you nervous?” he asks.

“Yes. Very.” I say, shakily.

“Please don’t be.” he replies. “It’s going to be alright. You won’t regret it. At least, I hope so.” he replies, surprisingly shy.

I manage to open the lock and enter the hallway. He comes in behind me and closes the door. And then he kisses me again, even harder. I kiss him back and waste no chance in feeling him up, as I always wanted to do with a guy, but never quite got the chance to. I can feel his body against mine. I’m going mad. I want him naked and inside me…..

And I’ll leave the rest up to your imagination… What? Tease? Me?

MasterChef is on again. Jonathan (one of the contestants) is facing up against Justin North (famous chef person). They are making a dish with crackling pig or something like that. Making my mouth water once again. Jonathan did make a wee mistake, in salting his pig too much. I don’t think he will win. But oh my god, does that look delicious. And I don’t really like crackling.

As I said, Jonathan lost out to Justin North. Must have been the saltiness.

More cooking now. I say, I’m feeling very hungry. I must restrain myself from going downstairs and devouring one of those moelleuxs I bought today. Or else I think I’m swallowing my tongue.

Have a picture.

This was taken in Londen three years ago. This is a statue on Leicester Square. It says: there is no darkness but ignorance. Which I think is pretty much on the nose.

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