G-Spot Misery

I think I may have hit something…

In my unrelenting quest for the G Spot, I may have hit … well, I don’t know what, but it’s something. With my vibe. About ten times. And now my stomach hurts like a motherbitch. I smell a hospital visit. Oh, wait, thinking about it, I have to go see the surgeon about my op tomorrow. Some pre operative stuff.

I’m serious, I think I might vomit now.

So, about that G Spot stuff. I’ve been obsessed with finding it since round New Year. I think I may have found something, because I do squirt. But I don’t orgasm. I don’t feel anything. And it gets very, very messy. If I sound like a total newbie, sex wise, it’s because I am. I only started masturbating about two years ago. I’m still discovering myself. And I’m beginning to think that the G Spot may be too advanced sex 101 for me. I don’t know, I’m such an idiot.

One thing that soothes the pain a bit is MasterChef¬†Australia, currently playing on my telly. The dessert they made looks (like George said) sexy. Matt Preston’s pants are so brightly colored… The challenge for tomorrow is catering a children’s birthday party and the cupcakes they made look stunning. I have a thing for brightly colored desserts. Which I don’t find weird at all. My favorites are Macarons de Paris. Which, voila…

I’m frothing now. Have you ever seen a croquembouche? Now imagine one made from macarons de Paris. That is proper orgasm food. What is orgasm food, you ask? Well, simply, orgasm food is food that gives you a tiny tiny orgasm just thinking about it. Something that makes you seriously froth. I’d love to know what you consider orgasm food.

Signing off for the night, going to watch the poker game on the television.

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Me, Barenaked

Hello, lovely reader. Let me introduce myself. My name is Dalide. I recently turned 20. I made this blog, because I wanted a place to recount and share my sexual dreams and fantasies. Sex is something that is quite new to me, so I’m still discovering everything.

Facts about me:

  • I’m a virgin
  • I don’t really like being a virgin
  • Though I have been inside one before, sex shops still scare the shit out of me
  • I am about to undergo life changing surgery (gastric bypass)
  • I can’t find my g-spot, though I have read many instructions to do so…
  • I am incredibly in lust with Jason Statham (who should be in my bed every night, kthx)

So, of course, I can’t blog now without mentioning the utter failure that was Valentine’s Day… My 20th single Valentine’s. As if that wasn’t enough, I spent most of last night in the bathroom, due to a bladder infection, that has mysteriously cleared up now. Might flare up again tonight, though I’m not exactly gagging for it…

I recently went to a sex shop in Brussels (I’m from Belgium). Man, that was like a whole other world in there. There are like three or four sex shops next to each other in that street and this seemed the least intimidating one. Plus, it’s quite a well known branch here in Belgium and in Holland.

I went in. With my mum. Big mistake. Not only did I feel ridiculously uncomfortable, I was mortified when she quizzed the clerk on which vibrator gives the most pleasure… I just stood there, shuffling my feet and looking at the shady fella in his raincoat by the dvd’s. In the end, it was an eye opener. I’m going back there soon. That pink Cat O’ Nine Tails whip looked so pretty…

My eventual bounty from the trip? A very flexible, dark pink vibe and some lube. I didn’t want to pay alot for the Super lube, so I just got the regular one, which I fear was a mistake. Should you save pennies on lube?

The porn did scare me blind, by the way. Maybe I shoud mellow out and try buying a dvd. I did get a lovely free dvd with a magazine. It had 50 positions from the Kama Sutra. They all look dead hard to me. It did turn me on, and it wasn’t long before I got my vibe out….

More self love stories when I return. I need to get some sleep, since the infection incident kept me up from… oh about three thirty last night till seven this morning…

I hope you enjoy this blog and come back for more…

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